Film Axioms

1. If a woman is running away from someone she will trip and fall.
2. Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation.
3. Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.
4. The suburbs are exciting.
5. Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
6. Good guys are always outnumbered.
7. Good guys always win and get the girl.
8. Good guys are always good looking.
9. Ugly people are always bad guys.
10. Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways.
11. There are no ugly women, only ugly men.
12. Court cases are all solved with a suprise witness.
13. Good guys are the only ones who have a sense of humor.
14. Cars will explode in all accidents.
15. Everyone has a 'dark' secret.
16. Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten.
17. Haunted houses are never locked.
18. The police are smart.
19. Good guys will only get shot in the arm or leg.
20. All Asian people know Karate.
21. Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music.
22. Rich people are unhappy.
23. Teenagers are smarter than their parents.
24. Indians make good cannon fodder.
25. Whenever there's a thunderstorm, someone will be murdered.
26. Computers never crash, though they occasionally explode for no apparent reason.
a) Teenagers can access any computer by using their PC's.
b) Computers know everything.
c) Computers will become self-aware entities if struck by lightning.
27. When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood from the corner of their mouth.
28. No one has gas, except after eating beans.
29. Nothing cures the blues like killing 30 or 40 bad guys.
30. Bad guys make elaborate inventions to kill the good guys, but never stick around to see if they work.
31. Christmas Eve and Halloween night last for three or four days.
32. Movies based on true stories are made up.
33. Police never wait for back-up.
34. Undercover cops are too good to be spotted.
35. Private detective work is glamorous.
36. All baseball games will be won with a home run in the bottom of the ninth and two outs.
37. All police killings are in self-defense.
38. Everyone wins in Las Vegas.
39. Good guys don't take drugs.
40. The world is teeming with voluptuous, young women who are desperate to have sex with pennyless young guys.
41. Nobody ever has trouble finding good parking spots when they are in a hurry.
42. High School students look thirty years old.
43. No one ever does housework, but everyone's home is always clean.
44. Street vendor's carts are magnetically attracted to high-speed car chases.
45. Everyone knows how to pick a lock with one tool.
46. To kill a vampire, you must set out 5 min before sunset.
47. Nobody ever realizes until the end of a monster movie, that everyone that went into that dark cellar never came out.
48. The group always splits up to look for the alien.
49. The last 5 minutes of any TV show will explain the entire plot.
50. The last 5 minutes of any TV show will be stretched out for 20 minutes with commercials.
51. To take advantage of any TV offer, you must order before midnight tomorrow.
52. When in any potentially threatening situation, the protagonist always enters dark rooms by backing in.
53. People of diametrically opposed personalities always attract one another and teach each other invaluable lessons in life.
54. Any problem can be resolved in one hour.
55. Real miracles actually happen at Christmas to almost everybody.
56. Bad guys always fully explain their master plans to the good guys before killing them, and the good guys end up being rescued by others who would not have had time to arrive if the bad guys had just killed them right off.
57. Space aliens are always immune to bullets.
58. Time travel is possible if you know the right stuff to buy at Radio Shack.
59. Aliens will grow to immense proportions from pods in a period of days without actually eating anything.
60. Somewhere in everybody's house or yard is a hidden gateway to hell or some other extra-dimensional space or parellel universe.